


Aled Last Is..?(demisexual)

by Nocticola



Series: Ace/Aro characters [18]
Category: Radio Silence - Alice Oseman
Genre: Ace writer, Asexual Awareness Week, Canon Asexual Character, Canon Bisexual Character, Canon Gay Character, Canon Lesbian Character, Canon demisexual character, Gen, Implied Emotional Child Abuse, Internalized Acephobia, M/M, Non mlm writer, Possibly nonbinary Aled Last
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-27
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2019-01-15 18:18:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12326310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nocticola/pseuds/Nocticola
Summary: Aled's not into Daniel because Daniel's a *boy*. He's into Daniel because he's *Dan*. He wishes he knew how to explain it better.





	1. Uncertainty

**Author's Note:**

> Written (late but during) for Asexual Awareness Week 2017 Fandom Challenge Day 1 Asexual characters in books and comics.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set mostly around chapter Dark Blue (p. 156-9), around Aled's 18th birthday. (Partly because that's where I have made it on my reread and partly because it fits)

It’s not really weird to fall for your best friend. The person you know better than anyone, the one you spend most of your time with.  
It’s kinda weird when your best friend is a boy, and people consider and treat you like a boy. But even that is starting to be treated as more normal. Not by everyone (Aled would never tell his mum, for a multitude of reasons) but by many.

Daniel’s gay, he knows that. He doesn’t hide himself and who he is. Aled is glad about that, because he loves Dan and wants him to get everything he wants and deserves and that Dan gets to be openly himself. 

But for Aled, the thing is that he doesn’t consider himself gay. Because… because it’s not… He’s not into Daniel because Daniel’s a *boy*. The thing is, for Aled, it’s not about boys and girls and enbies it’s… It’s that Daniel is *Dan*. Aled’s Dan, has been his for his whole life. 

It’s hard to explain to people. Aled himself doesn’t really get it. Labels are not always necessary, but sometimes… one might help, in this case. But in some ways, Aled's not sure he's ready to know. He doesn't know whether it would make it better or worse. 

Dan doesn’t really understand it. It hasn’t really been a problem before but… Aled’s going away to university soon, so they need to start figuring out their future(s).  
Things with Dan have become strained during the summer. Sure, Dan works a lot, and Aled has started hanging out with Frances, but in some ways Aled just... He doesn't know how to talk about this. He's not sure he has the words to explain himself, in a way that doesn't hurt Dan, in a way that feels true to Aled. He feels like he's making things unnecessarily complicated, for the both of them. But he just doesn't know how to fix the situation.  
Sometimes he really misses Carys. Maybe she would understand. Maybe she would know.

Aled misses the time when they could just be Aled and Dan, without all the messiness of labels and having to be out and explain themselves to people.  


He misses the time university was just a far away... dream [nightmare].  
Everything is just getting worse and as he cries in Frances' arms about university, on his 18th birthday party, he wishes time could just stop, sometimes. He wishes things could be simple, again.

He wishes he knew how to talk to Dan again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ended up angstier than intended. Will write a 2nd, happier chapter later, after I'm done with my reread.


	2. Realization

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said this would be less angsty and well... it will be. After a while.

After things don't get better with Dan, when Aled still can't explain himself to him, when him being the Creator of Universe City becomes public knowledge because of Frances' mistake, when Aled has to leave for university and he hates it like he knew he would, nothing gets better. Nothing is good.

His mum ruins Universe City for Aled, knowing she's ready to yell at him for every episode, he's lost the joy of doing it. Her destroying his room, killing his dog, putting him down like he was a nuisance, it's all too much. He doesn't feel like he can do UC anymore and he ends to show, and the hate mail starts. All of it becomes too much. 

He misses Dan. He misses Frances. He misses Carys. But he doesn't know where Carys is and he's ruined everything with Dan and Frances. He doesn't know what to do. It's all awful.

***

One of the few things about university is that Aled has some more privacy. He doesn't have to constantly worry about his Mum finding out what he's doing.

He decides to finally start looking for a label. He knows it won't help fix things with Dan, nothing will, but he starts to feel like it might make one tiny aspect of his life better. But he also feels kinda fake and like he's just trying to be different and special, for not just accepting his gayness. He is (was?) with Dan, a boy, isn't he? What does anything else matter? 

But 'gay' doesn't feel right to Aled. Not the way it feels for Dan. So he starts researching. It's hard to really even know how and where to look. How do you google 'I only like my life-long best friend sexually, I don't feel like that towards anyone else'?  
He tries looking at sexuality labels and definitions in general, maybe something will strike a nerve. 

Eventually he finds out about asexuality. It does and does not feel right. He's been with Dan already. And even though he didn't manage to convince Dan of that, he does want him. Looking into it more, he finds out that asexuality is actually a spectrum. There are so many different types of interesting labels, which kinda makes him feel better. So many different possible ways of being. 

He spends some time examining them all but one label he saw early on keeps bringing him back.  
_Demisexuality_. No attraction without emotional connection. He's not quite sure about the labe, yet. But the feelings it describes feels right.

***

Later, when Frances and Dan and *Carys* (and a girl introducing herself as Raine) came to rescue him, first from university and then from his Mum, he and Dan finally have some time to talk things through. Aled hasn't really slept, and Dan woke up in the middle of the night. It's not really the best time for it, but they've spend so much time not talking that it's good to get it out in the open.

Coming out goes better than he could have hoped. Dan doesn't hate him. He doesn't think being demisexual is silly. He still wants him. They hold hands, because that's the only thing they can do with this crowd in Aled's tiny room. They go back to being 'us', Dan and Aled, again. 

Aled doesn't have all the answers about his future, but for the first time in a long while, he's not scared of it. He has Dan and Frances and Carys and Raine, and he feels like things will work out. He might get to be happy, after all.


	3. Frances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aled tells Frances.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set before the 'epilogue' Spring Term b)

Aled and Frances are hanging out at Frances' room. They are still figuring out their futures, but for now, things are calm. Frances is lying on the floor drawing a sketch of some Universe City character, although Aled doesn't know which one yet. Aled is sitting on her bed with his laptop. He's missed this, so much. It's so easy to be with Frances, to be himself. But there's still something hanging between them. He is glad Frances didn't push him to explain himself, after he talked to her about him and Dan, and she told him she's bi. It was nice of Frances to not rush him. He didn't know who or what he was at the time. But now, now that he has a term, a label, (as silly as it still kinda feels), now that he's told Dan, and they are back to being 'us' again, he wants to tell her.

"Frances," he says, and Frances looks up from her sketch. She has a pencil in her mouth and a thoughtful look at her face. Aled doesn't look down at the sketch, Frances will show it to him when it's ready. Having her focus makes Aled nervous, though, and he hides his hands further into his sleaves. "Um, I... I kinda wanna tell you something."

This makes Frances sit up on the floor, drop the pencil on the sketch and give Aled her full attention. She has a kind smile on her face and it seems like she is so intent on looking at Aled when he says what he wants to say that she's not blinking at all. 

Aled looks down and starts playing with his hands, hidden within his sleaves, still. He sighs, briefly, before returning Frances' gaze.

"Remember when you told me you're bi and I told you about Dan and me and then I... just... didn't elaborate?"

Frances nods but doesn't say anything. Aled thinks he can see some excited on her face, but he's not sure. 

"Well, I-- I didn't really, you know, have a label, back then. I... I didn't really think I needed one. I mean, it was.. it has only been Dan. No one else. Ever. Not even you. But I'm not 'gay', it... it doesn't seem to fit me."

Aled needs to take a break. He's not sure when he's last talked like this. Frances waits, kinda impatiently, but she lets him talk.

"Uni only gave me one good thing and that was... time to figure some stuff out. And... and I found something that seems to fit. It's a bit silly but... I'm demisexual. It's on the asexual spec--" but Aled can't finish his explanation, because Frances has jumped up from the floor, to her bed and is hugging Aled, so tightly, like she worries he might disappear. Aled tries his best to hug her back, but she's restricting the movement of his hands. But it's nice.

"I'm so happy you told me," Frances whispers into his neck, and even though it's weird and intense, it's platonic and he is really glad Frances is back in his life. He squirms just enough for Frances to let go off him a bit and he can hug her back. They sit like that, entwined on Frances' bed, for minutes before Aled whispers in her neck,  
"Me too."


	4. Consent

After Aled and Dan have finally gotten back into a normal, couple rythm together, there is one final thing Dan needs to know. It's been bugging him... pretty much always. He's not quite sure how to bring it up though. They're just laying on his bed together, Aled's head on his chest. His parents are pretty accepting of them, and since Aled is still figuring out his future, sometimes he stays at Dan's place.

"Hey," he starts but even when Aled turns to look at him, he's uncertain about how exactly to continue. "Your 'deminess'. Is that why..." and he runs out of words.  
"'Is it why' what?" Aled asks, looking confused. Dan would be a bit happier if Aled wpuld get what he's getting at. But it's no use. He has to ask.

"You... you never really initiate anything. Between us, I mean." Now Aled looks like he might have more of an idea. Here goes. "Have I--"

"NO!# Now Aled looks panicked, "Absolutely not. I've never done anything with you I didn't want to. The problem was always me. I just... I don't work like you, or like most people do. But I love you and I wanted you. I want us. You haven't done anything wrong."

"OK. Good." They starts to cuddle again, but Dan is troubled by Aled's words. "For the record, you're deminess is not a problem. Never was. We just lacked communication and knowledge, that's all. It's good we know now, though."

Aled looks up at him again, whispers a "Thank you" and pulls him in for a kiss. Aled might not 'work' like other people, but Dan is pretty sure he works perfectly for him.


	5. The Last Twins

For the first time in a long time, the Last twins are together again. It's somewhat odd. Aled has missed Carys *so much*, Carys has been off living her life, thinking Aled was... OK. Maybe he will be, now. They have a lot of things to discuss.

"So. You and Dan, huh? To be honest I'm not too surprised. Didn't quite get that vibe from you, though. You know, the gay one. Considering we're twins and I am, you'd think I would have picked up on it."  
Aled's voice isn't quite as quiet as it usually is, but there is still some hesitance in his voice. "Good, because it'd be the wrong vibe."

"Not gay, then? OK." carys is not sure whether to pester for clarification, but that can wait. "I'm sorry. That I never heard you. Before or after I left."

Aled shrugs, "You had your own issues."

"I just...I never thought she'd turn on you like that. Her Golden child."

"Well, I didn't turn out to be the child she wanted either. And not just because of the boyfriend. I don't think she even knows about that. I'm not who she wants me to be." 

So, the topic is back up for grabs. "So. What is your thing then, if not boys-only? Bi? Pan? Just queer?"

"It's not boys. Or anyone else. It's just Dan. Not as in 'Dan's the only boy', but.. Dan's the only one. Ever. Period. I love Frances, but not like that."

"That's a thing? Just one specific person?"

"Yes." Aled sounds much more sure about himself now. 

"Seems handy," Carys replies, meaning it as a meaningless off-hand comment. So, she's caught off guard by Aled's reaction.

"It really fucking isn't." There's anger and annoyance in Aled's voice. 

"Sorry. I mean... Of course it isn't. Shouldn't have said that." She's been standing this whole time. But for the last bit she feels like she should sit with Aled on the bed. "Is there a label I can look into? To understand better."

Aled falls silent for a moment. Maybe this whole thing is so new to him still. He says "Demisexual," and it sounds to Carys like an achievement. She smiles and hugs her brother.

"Thanks, bro. I'll look into that," now that that bit is over, she turns to look at all the Radio Silence stuff Aled has on display. "Now, tell me more about this character. Who are they and what was their point on Radio Silence? It sounded pretty interesting. I mean, once I could get past being February Friday and what that meant."

Aled smiles at her and she realizes, she didn't really see it much. Maybe they can finally put their mother's bullshit behind them. Aled starts to eagerly explain everything to Carys, and it feels... nice. It's great to see Aled like this. Maybe they can both be happy, eventually.


End file.
